- Doc, the only woman I've been with's my girl, and that was only the once! And she's-- She's... Oh no.
Appearing in "3: Oh, We Haven't Got a Hope in the Morning"Edit
Synopsis for "3: Oh, We Haven't Got a Hope in the Morning"Edit
Second-Lieutenant Kaufmann is ecstatic when the squadron's mechanics finally fix his Spad airplane. It is quickly broken again, however, as Kaufmann crashes it into a tree while scratching his itchy privates. He covers this up by telling Major Roxburgh-Jones that there was a problem with his prop, but the issue again becomes apparent during the squadron's next mission. Kaufmann gets separated from the rest of his company while again scratching himself due to extreme itchiness, but he managed to recover in time to see the company about to be attacked by German aircraft. Being out of position allows Kaufmann to fly in from behind and shoot down some of the German planes, warning his comrades and saving the day.
Kaufmann downplays his actions, despite being regarded as a hero by the rest of the company. Upon landing, he proceeded to find the doctor to deal with his embarrassing ailment. The doctor informs him that he has pubic lice, assuming it came from one of the local prostitutes. Kaufmann is momentarily confused, until he realizes that the girl he assumed to be his girlfriend is actually a working girl.
When Kaufmann returns to the bar, he finds the squadron in high spirits and deep in drink. It doesn't take him long to catch up and he begins to insult the English to Captain Franklin. The slighted Franklin challenges Kaufmann to a drinking contest and when the younger man passes out, Franklin takes him and tattoos the Union Jack across his chest. When Kaufmann awakens the next morning, he is horrified to see that the flag won't come off. He proceeds to the officer's mess proclaiming that he's going to kill Franklin. Major Roxburgh-Jones and Captain Booker inform his that he's too late, the Captain died on the dawn patrol. That evening, Kaufmann decides that despite the fact that the tattoo was meant as a joke, he will now look upon it with pride as it will remind him of Franklin.
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