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Appearing in "The Return of the Blonde Phantom Part 1 of 3: Atomic Secrets!"Edit
- Captain Rectitude (First appearance)
- Jasper Keaton (First appearance)
- Abominatrix (First appearance)
- Wanda Mason (First appearance)
- She-Hulk's flying car
Synopsis for "The Return of the Blonde Phantom Part 1 of 3: Atomic Secrets!"Edit
She-Hulk and Wheezi return to Wheezi's apartment to discover that it has been broken into and ransacked! Wheezi comments that the mess almost looks as if her daughter Wanda had arrived home a day early. Jennifer points out that no matter how messy Wanda is, it is unlikely that she would have smashed her way in through the outside wall of the fourth floor, or that she'd have ripped the safe out of the wall! Jen is surprised at how calmly Wheezi is taking all this, but Wheezi says that she is not calm. "You've just never seen me truly upset. I get very....quiet." As she is looking through the mess, Wheezi discovers that the "rosebud" file is missing. Jen tells her not to touch anything else before the police have a chance to examine the crime scene, but Wheezi asks Jen not to call the police. "I'd prefer to handle this my own way." Jen comments that Wheezi is acting very peculiar, and asks what it is that Wheezi isn't telling her. Wheezi tells her to never mind, and rushes her out of the apartment, telling her that she'll talk to her at the office tomorrow. As soon as Jen is gone, Wheezi picks up the phone. She realizes that sooner or later, someone involved in the "rosebud" incident was bound to come snooping around to find out what she knew. "This is what I get for letting my guard down... even after 44 years."
Out on the street, She-Hulk discovers a giant two-towed footprint in the pavement outside the apartment building. Jen thinks about going back up and talking to Wheezi again, but decides to be patient, and wait until Wheezi is ready to talk. However, she decides that if Wheezi doesn't come clean by tomorrow morning, she'll force her to talk.
11am the next morning, Jennifer is worried because Wheezi is over two hours late for work. Then Wanda comes in, looking for her mother. Jen tells her that Wheezi's apartment was burglarized last night, and that she is probably staying at a hotel. Wanda scoff at that idea. "Hotel? My mom... the primordial tightwad?! Ha! Motel 6 in Jersey, more likely." Jen tells Wanda that Wheezi hasn't shown up yet this morning, and that the last time she saw her Wheezi had been looking at a file marked "rosebud". Wanda remembers that it was a case from her mother's career as the Blonde Phantom... although Wanda mistakenly calls her the "Phantom Blonde" instead. "Rosebud" was apparently the only case she never solved.
Checking a hunch, She-Hulk uses the Avengers mainframe to access Wheezi's phone records. She discovers that Wheezi made a call to a Vegas hotel, and an airline ticketing service. She tells Wanda not to unpack, since they are going west to find Wheezi. Wanda doesn't like that idea. "What do you mean 'we', Kemo-therapy? I am home from school to see friends. I have plans. And I am not going any--where." She-Hulk tells Wanda to shut up, and then picks her up and carries her out over her shoulder.
As the two of them fly to Vegas in She-Hulk's flying corvette, Jen asks Wanda is she knows if the "rosebud" file had anything to do with Las Vegas. Wanda says no; her mother kept it a big mystery. Jen says that there must have been a good reason for that, and Wanda says that it was to add some excitement to her boring life. Jen tries to tell Wanda that she is underestimating her mother, but Wanda doesn't want to hear it. She has already heard all of her mom's old war stories. Jen comments "Maybe you didn't listen very carefully. She was a remarkable figure." Wanda retorts, "I just hope she isn't planning a comeback. You ever see her remarkable figure in a leotard...?"
In Las Vegas, Wheezi arrives at the Benchmark hotel, looking for someone named Dutch. As she looks around, Wheezi thinks to herself that Dutch has done well for himself, with his fancy hotel, casino, wealth and political influence. So she wonders why he needs a small army of security guards around. She tries to use the elevator to get to Dutch's penthouse, but the security guards tell her that it is authorized personnel only.
Wheezi picks the lock of a nearby storage room, and sneaks inside. One of the guards finds her, but she sprays glass cleaner in his eyes, and then knocks him out with a left hook! Wheezi quickly dresses herself up as a maid, and tricks the guards into letting her use the elevator, claiming that Mr. Rosenblatt spilled his soup and needs a clean-up.
She arrives in the penthouse, and is surprised to find Dutch Rosenblatt confined to a wheelchair. She then realizes that she shouldn't be so surprised, since it is 44 years later, and he is at least 20 years older than she is. Dutch demands to know what she is doing up here. Wheezi draws a gun on him. "This is business. I'm the former Louise Grant. I've come to talk about Rosebud." Dutch just smirks at her, and presses a button on his wheelchair. An instant later, a half dozen armed guards burst into the room! They tackle Wheezi, and throw her out of the hotel right into the water fountain out front!
As Wheezi climbs out of the fountain, dozens of photographers start snapping her picture. The reporters are here to see a man named Jasper Keating who gives Wheezi a hand out of the fountain. He comments that this is the last place he expected to run into her again after 30 years. Wheezi asks what he is doing in Las Vegas, and he tells her that he is chairing the national convention for the American Purity Foundation. "We're reaching out to the people... to enlist them in the fight against smut, indecency, and re-regulation of the savings and loan industry!" Wheezi asks why he doesn't just do it at his Arizona resort, the Nebuchadnezzar; Jasper says that the resort caters to upper society, not the common folk of the A.P.F, besides, he wants to avoid the appearance of profiteering. "My work with the A.P.F. isn't about money... it's about values. Democracy with decency! Freedom without filth! Prayer, not porn! Enterprise, not entitlements!" Wheezi says that it sounds more like "censorship and greed" to her, but Jasper dismisses that as a liberal cliché. Jasper then introduces his new superhero to help win the "war for America's soul"... Captain Rectitude! Captain Rectitude demonstrates his power by lifting a car over his head, and then by firing an energy beam from the heart-shaped symbol on his chest. "Not only is he strong... he also has the cleansing power of the pure heart! And, thanks to certain genetic modifications, he can't be tempted!" Captain Rectitude asks Jasper if he should destroy the Randi Rocket Fountain, which he describes as a "salacious depiction of womanhood". Jasper says no; some of their members are staying at the hotel, and they don't want to jeopardize their discount rates. Captain Rectitude suggests they pressure the management to get rid of the fountain, and Jasper says that is a good idea. As they depart, Wheezi thinks to herself that Jasper has changed. "You were just a fatuous jerk when we met years ago. Now you're a dangerous, fatuous jerk."
At that moment, a blonde haired, green skinned monster, which looks like a female version of the Abomination, arrives. She is complaining that all she ever gets to do is take the hostage. "Like I've got nothing better to do with my life!" One of the security guards pulls a gun on her, but she backhands him away so hard it sends him flying right out of his socks! Wheezi sees the woman's two-towed feet, and realizes this must be the same person that broke into her apartment! "Yeah... and now you're coming with me! And don't give me any trouble! I'm already missing 'All My Children' because of you!" The woman grabs hold of Wheezi and leaps away with her!
A few hours later, She-Hulk and Wanda arrive in Las Vegas. Jen gives the keys to a valet to park her car, but he accidentally activates the hover mode. Jen decides to park the car herself. Soon the two women arrive in their hotel room, and Wanda wants to rush off the hit the blackjack tables. Jen asks Wanda is she isn't even a little bit worried about her mother. Wanda says no, but the two of them get interrupted by a news report, showing Wheezi's abduction! Wanda is shocked! "THAT'S MY MOTHER!! This is tilted! The most daring thing I ever saw her do was park in a red zone!" Jen says that Wheezi was probably trying to set a positive example for her daughter, and tells Wanda that there is a lot she doesn't understand about Wheezi. Jen tells Wanda to get moving so they can find Wheezi... Wanda, who is still stunned, stammers out a "yeah, okay" and follows along.
They arrive at the Benchmark and ask the man at the front desk for information about the abduction. When he refuses to comment, Jen threatens to make him talk in court, when she files a personal injury claim. He summons security to throw She-Hulk out, but she simply tosses the men around the room, and then threatens to add unprovoked assault to the complaint if he doesn't co-operate. At that moment, the green skinned woman comes crashing through the ceiling. "My boss heard you were in town, Trixie... snooping around, asking all sorts of embarrassing questions. He doesn't like questions." She lands right on top of She-Hulk, pounding her into the floor. As she stands on top of She-Hulk, she mocks her. "'Sensational' my foot! Hah--what a wuss! My third husband was tougher!" However, her gloating comes to a quick stop when She-Hulk throws her into the air, and then climbs out of the floor. Jen warns Wanda to stay back, since these things have a tendency to get messy. Wanda is sure that it will be fine, since her opponent appears to be big, slow and dumb, but then She-Hulk gets tackled!
As the two super-strong women fight, the fight moves beyond the hotel when She-Hulk gets punched through a wall! She-Hulk rips out a street lamp, and uses it as a baseball bat, sending her attacker flying through the air! She crashes into a wedding chapel, and interrupts the ceremony just as they ask if anyone knows a reason why these two people should not be married. "He's drunk as a skunk. She's a bulimic little gold-digger. Good enough reason?" She leaps away to rejoin the fight with She-Hulk! The villain finally introduces herself: Abominatrix!
As the two women continue to fight, they come crashing down into the convention center for the America Purity Foundation! Captain Rectitude asks if he should settle the fight, but Jasper says to wait and see who wins. Moments later, She-Hulk punches the Abominatrix, and demands to know where Weezi is! Wanda finally manages to catch up to them, and tells Jen to rip out Abominatrix's teeth one by one until she tells them where her mother is! Abominatrix tells them they'll have to ask Jasper! Jasper confirms that both Captain Rectitude and the Abominatrix are employees of his. Captain Rectitude tells Jasper not to tell them anything, since he thinks they look like women of loose morals. She-Hulk asks him how'd he'd like some loose molars! Jasper tries to calm her down, saying that violence never solves anything. Confused, Captain Rectitude asks why Jasper put him through all those operations, if not to "smash smut and pulverize pornography?" Jasper says that a credible threat is more potent than the action itself. "Which, in circuitous fashion, brings us to Wheezi's abduction." Jasper tells them that Wheezi possesses information about another credible threat that he wants to have control over--"rosebud"!
Wanda sarcastically comments about how scary a sled is, but Jasper corrects her. "'Rosebud' isn't a sled, young lady... it's an atomic bomb!"
- No special notes.
- No trivia.
Links and ReferencesEdit
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