What If? Vol 1 34
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Appearing in "The Fantastic Four were Bananas"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Fantastic Four were Bananas"Edit
The Fantastic Four are literally bananas; though patently absurd, it does have a certain appeal.
Appearing in "Odin were Peter Parker's Uncle"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Odin were Peter Parker's Uncle"Edit
Odin married May Parker, easily defeated the burglar that came to rob their house
Appearing in "Don Blake and Tony Stark were brothers"Edit
Characters:
- Tony Stark
- Don Blake
- Odin (Mentioned)
- Loki (Mentioned)
Reality:
Synopsis for "Don Blake and Tony Stark were brothers"Edit
Don Blake and Tony Stark are brothers who fight over each other's objects of power. Tony was adopted.
Appearing in "Aunt May were Ant Man"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Aunt May were Ant Man"Edit
Aunt May Parker was Ant-Man, making the Parker family full of bugs. Uatu suggests they move into a roach motel.
Appearing in "Spider-Man married Spider-Woman"Edit
Characters:
- Spider-Man
- Spider-Woman
- May Parker
- Electro
- Kraven the Hunter
- Sandman
- The Vulture
- Doctor Octopus
- The Green Goblin
Reality:
Synopsis for "Spider-Man married Spider-Woman"Edit
Spider-Man married Spider-Woman in lieu of Black Widow. His aunt and rogue's gallery were in attendance.
Appearing in "Reed Richards took postman Willie Lumpkin up on his offer to join the Fantastic Four"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Reed Richards took postman Willie Lumpkin up on his offer to join the Fantastic Four"Edit
Willie Lumpkin joined the Fantastic Four. Apparently the Richards of this reality was as stupid as the 616 version is smart. Soon anyone with any kind of ability whatsoever were accepted as a member, including a veracious appetite...
Appearing in "Captain America chose to remain Nomad"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Captain America chose to remain Nomad"Edit
Steve Rogers remained Nomad, forcing the Captain America comic to run reprints.
Appearing in "Rick Jones left Captain Marvel in the Negative Zone"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
- Earth-82808 (Rick Jones left Captain Mar-Vell stranded in the Negative Zone)
Synopsis for "Rick Jones left Captain Marvel in the Negative Zone"Edit
- Synopsis not yet written.
Appearing in "Nick Fury had to wear an eyepatch on his right eye"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Nick Fury had to wear an eyepatch on his right eye"Edit
Nick Fury wore eyepatch on right eye, making all of the Life Model Decoys obsolete.
Appearing in "Ghost Rider had possessed Grandpa"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Ghost Rider had possessed Grandpa"Edit
Ghost Rider possessed wheelchair-bound grandfather in old folks home
Appearing in "Ghost Rider had possessed a Skater"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Ghost Rider had possessed a Skater"Edit
Ghost Rider possessed a female roller skater.
Appearing in "Ghost Rider had possessed a baby"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Ghost Rider had possessed a baby"Edit
Ghost Rider possessed an infant.
Appearing in "Everyone who'd ever been an Avenger remained an Avenger"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Everyone who'd ever been an Avenger remained an Avenger"Edit
All Avengers members stayed with the team permanently.
Appearing in "Him had married Her"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Him had married Her"Edit
Him married Her and had two children and a dog in the suburbs.
Appearing in "Black Bolt got the hiccups"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Black Bolt got the hiccups"Edit
Black Bolt got the hiccups, devastating New York City.
Appearing in "Galactus ate the Earth"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Galactus ate the Earth"Edit
Galactus literally ate the Earth.
Appearing in "Kazar were a middle-aged accountant"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Kazar were a middle-aged accountant"Edit
After an electrolysis treatment, Ka-Zar no longer wants to whack saurians, and decides to become a certified public accountant by mail. From there he began wearing a tie (with no shirt), and gave formal lecture tours.
Appearing in "The Hulk were yellow"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Hulk were yellow"Edit
The Hulk was yellow, but not a chicken.
Appearing in "The Invisible Girl dyed her hair"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Invisible Girl dyed her hair"Edit
Invisible Girl dyed her hair and no one could tell because she was invisible.
Appearing in "Power Man were white"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
- Earth-82820 (Power Man was white)
Synopsis for "Power Man were white"Edit
Luke Cage is a funky honky, apparently.
Appearing in "The Thing were blue"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Thing were blue"Edit
The Thing sobbed uncontrollably since his transformation, and was covered in Blue Rock instead of Orange. His catch phrase was, "It's Slobberin' Time!"
Appearing in "Captain Marvel hadn't died"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Captain Marvel hadn't died"Edit
Mar-Vell was cured of his cancer, and went on to live a relatively dull life.
Appearing in "Phoenix still lived"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Phoenix still lived"Edit
The Phoenix survived and pretended to be normal.
Appearing in "Elektra had survived"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Elektra had survived"Edit
Elektra survived the encounter with Bullseye and gave up her life of crime and adventure, attempting instead to get married, "or something."
Appearing in "Dazzler had become a stand-up comedian"Edit
Characters:
- Dazzler
- Thugs
Reality:
Synopsis for "Dazzler had become a stand-up comedian"Edit
Dazzler became a comedian instead of a singer, using the laughter of her foes to form hard light weapons.
Appearing in "Marvel Comics and the National Endowment for the Arts presented Spidey Intellectual Stories"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Marvel Comics and the National Endowment for the Arts presented Spidey Intellectual Stories"Edit
Marvel produced a more intellectual version of Amazing Spider-Man, where he convinced his foes against their own actions using verbal logic.
Appearing in "Willie Lumpkin were Herald to Galactus"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Willie Lumpkin were Herald to Galactus"Edit
Willie Lumpkin became a Herald of Galactus, delivering the news of impending doom via post-marked mail.
Appearing in "Ghost Rider owned a fast food franchise"Edit
Characters:
- Ghost Rider
- Patrons
Reality:
Synopsis for "Ghost Rider owned a fast food franchise"Edit
Ghost Rider owned a fast food restaurant named "Burger Hell". Apparently you could only order things his way there.
Appearing in "All the super heroes moved to Toledo, Ohio"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "All the super heroes moved to Toledo, Ohio"Edit
All of the heroes who lived in New York moved to Toledo, Ohio, where they hung out together at the local Social Club.
Appearing in "The Watchers in all the realities got together and watched Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Watchers in all the realities got together and watched Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers watching Watchers"Edit
The Watchers watched each-other in alternate realities rather than paying attention to their own.
Appearing in "Howard the Duck formed his own Super-Team"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Howard the Duck formed his own Super-Team"Edit
Howard the Duck formed an Avengers team completely of animals. Aragorn, Devil Dinosaur, Dragon Man, Emma the winged ant, Lockjaw, Redwing, and Zabu were all members.
Appearing in "Thor had a Swedish accent"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Thor had a Swedish accent"Edit
Thor spoke in a Swedish accent.
Appearing in "Cyclops's energy beams came out of his ears"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
- Earth-83482 (Cyclops' energy comes out his ears)
Synopsis for "Cyclops's energy beams came out of his ears"Edit
- Synopsis not yet written.
Appearing in "Wonder Man were a woman and Power Man were a girl"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Wonder Man were a woman and Power Man were a girl"Edit
Wonder Man & Power Man had female counterparts, but DC Comics wouldn't let their names be changed to Wonder Woman and Power Girl.
Appearing in "Black Bolt were a rock star"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Black Bolt were a rock star"Edit
Black Bolt & the Inhumans were a rock band who leveled the arenas they played in. Their fans still enjoyed the music, but Uatu did not.
Appearing in "Daredevil was deaf instead of blind"Edit
Characters:
- Daredevil
- Thugs
Reality:
Synopsis for "Daredevil was deaf instead of blind"Edit
Daredevil was deaf instead of blind
Appearing in "The Marvel production crew existed in this reality, and the Marvel Editorial Crew did too"Edit
Characters:
- Ron Zalme
- Joe Albelo
- Rob Carosella
- John Morelli
- Bob Camp
- Barry Shapiro
- Rick Parker
- Danny Crespi
- Nora Maclin
- Morrie Kuramoto
- Eliot R. Brown
- Harry Candelario
- Denny O'Neil
- Mark Gruenwald
- Jim Salicrup
- Mike Carlin
- Louise Jones
- Danny Fingeroth
- Ralph Macchio
- Al Milgrom
- Ann Nocenti
- Lance Tooks
- Linda Grant
- Tom DeFalco
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Marvel production crew existed in this reality, and the Marvel Editorial Crew did too"Edit
Marvel Comics Production Crew & Editorial Crew existed in a world of super heroes
Appearing in "Tony Stark had owned an Auto Plant instead of a Weapons Factory"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Tony Stark had owned an Auto Plant instead of a Weapons Factory"Edit
Stark used his auto plant to create the Limo Man armor.
Appearing in "Sue Storm had become The Thing"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Sue Storm had become The Thing"Edit
Sue Storm received the rock-like hide and Ben received the invisibility powers.
Appearing in "Moon Knight got all his identities mixed up"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Moon Knight got all his identities mixed up"Edit
Moon Knight became confused about which identity he was using, and ended up fighting crime while driving a cab in a costume.
Appearing in "The Watcher grew hair"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Watcher grew hair"Edit
The Watcher forced himself to grow hair.
Appearing in "Alpha Flight talked like T.V. Canadians"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Alpha Flight talked like T.V. Canadians"Edit
Alpha Flight spoke in a stereotypical Canadian accent, much like that on "Strange Brew."
Appearing in "Silver Surfer, White Tiger, Night Rider, Iceman, and Moon Knight fought Wendigo in a Snowstorm"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Silver Surfer, White Tiger, Night Rider, Iceman, and Moon Knight fought Wendigo in a Snowstorm"Edit
The Silver Surfer, Night Rider, White Tiger, Iceman, and Moon Knight all fought Wendigo in a snowstorm. No one could see what was happening.
Appearing in "The Black Panther fought the Shroud in a coalmine"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Black Panther fought the Shroud in a coalmine"Edit
Black Panther fought the Shroud inside a coal mine. Neither of them could see what was happening.
Appearing in "Moon Knight had 3 different identities"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Moon Knight had 3 different identities"Edit
Moon Knight had three different identities than Moon Knight-616: pest exterminator, rat fur millionaire, and comic book editor.
Appearing in "King Conan were Bing Conan on the road to Hyboria"Edit
Characters:
- King Conan (Bing Conan)
- Chester
- Tropical Island Natives
- A Gorilla
Reality:
Synopsis for "King Conan were Bing Conan on the road to Hyboria"Edit
Bing Conan and Chester swallowed by tropical fish, deposited on tropical island on the road to Hyboria.
Appearing in "Black Bolt hosted a television talk show"Edit
Characters:
- Black Bolt
- His Two Guests
Reality:
Synopsis for "Black Bolt hosted a television talk show"Edit
Black Bolt hosted a television talk show, and couldn't ask his guests any questions.
Appearing in "Bruce Banner's pants didn't stretch"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Bruce Banner's pants didn't stretch"Edit
Bruce Banner's pants did not stretch when he became the Hulk, and he was left nude and embarrassed every time he transformed.
Appearing in "You went to the movies and had to sit behind the Leader"Edit
Characters:
- The Leader
- You!
Reality:
Synopsis for "You went to the movies and had to sit behind the Leader"Edit
The Leader went to see a movie & blocked everyone's view with his head.
Appearing in "Aunt May became The Invincible Golden Oldie"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Aunt May became The Invincible Golden Oldie"Edit
Aunt May became a super hero, wearing armor as The Invincible Golden Oldie.
Appearing in "Aunt May became The Astonishing Ant-Aunt"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Aunt May became The Astonishing Ant-Aunt"Edit
Aunt May became a super hero with shrinking powers, taking the name, "The Astonishing Ant-Aunt!"
Appearing in "Aunt May became Auntie Freeze"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Aunt May became Auntie Freeze"Edit
Aunt May became a super hero with ice powers, taking the name, "Auntie Freeze."
Appearing in "Reed Richards had not invented unstable molecules"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
- Earth-24883 (Reed Richards never created unstable molecules)
Synopsis for "Reed Richards had not invented unstable molecules"Edit
Because Reed Richards never invented unstable molecules, the Fantastic Four's uniforms cannot adapt to their powers(e.g. Johnny Storm burns up his clothes every time he uses his flame powers, and Reed Richards' costume does not stretch along with his body.
Appearing in "The Hulk married the She-Hulk: I Love She-Hulk"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Hulk married the She-Hulk: I Love She-Hulk"Edit
Hulk & She-Hulk married, and their lives became much like those on "I Love Lucy".
Appearing in "The Hulk married the She-Hulk: She-Hulkie"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "The Hulk married the She-Hulk: She-Hulkie"Edit
Hulk married She-Hulk, and their life closely resembled the syndicated comic strip, "Blondie".
Appearing in "Norrin Radd had not volunteered to become the Silver Surfer"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Norrin Radd had not volunteered to become the Silver Surfer"Edit
Instead of becoming the Silver Surfer, Norrin Radd and Shalla-Bal abandoned Zenn-La to Galactus.
Appearing in "Dazzler had decided to become a Lawyer"Edit
Characters:
- Dazzler
- Her Witness
- The Jury
Reality:
Synopsis for "Dazzler had decided to become a Lawyer"Edit
Dazzler became a lawyer, asking the jury to let her clients go in song.
Appearing in "Luke Cage had found the hammer of Thor"Edit
Luke Cage used Mjlonir and became Thor.

By the gleamin' gates of funky Asgard, you suckers are gonna eat hammer!




- --Luke
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Luke Cage had found the hammer of Thor"Edit
Luke Cage found the Hammer of Thor
Appearing in "Doctor Strange were an ordinary magician"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Doctor Strange were an ordinary magician"Edit
Doctor Strange was an ordinary magician
Appearing in "Obnoxio the Clown became Sherlock Clown"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Obnoxio the Clown became Sherlock Clown"Edit
Obnoxio the Clown became Sherlock Clown. The result was elementary.
Appearing in "Obnoxio became a bat-like hero"Edit
Characters:
- Obnoxio the Clown
- The Slasher
- An Old-timer
- A Cop
Reality:
Synopsis for "Obnoxio became a bat-like hero"Edit
Obnoxio became a bat-like hero, charging the elderly protection fees.
Appearing in "Obnoxio became Spider-Man-like hero"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Obnoxio became Spider-Man-like hero"Edit
Obnoxio became a Spider-Man-like hero, until the heights of web swinging made him nauseous.
Appearing in "Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Hulk"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Hulk"Edit
Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Hulk, becoming more obnoxious the angrier he got.
Appearing in "Obnoxio-Wolverine"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Obnoxio-Wolverine"Edit
Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Wolverine, opening six packs of beer a dozen at a time using his claws.
Appearing in "Obnoxio-Daredevil"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Obnoxio-Daredevil"Edit
Obnoxio the Clown became Obnoxio-Daredevil, eavesdropping on punchlines all over town.
Appearing in "Obnoxio the Clown gained superman-like powers"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Obnoxio the Clown gained superman-like powers"Edit
Obnoxio the Clown gained superman-like powers, punching holes in mountains instead of fighting crime.
Appearing in "Obnoxio the Clown became a Watcher"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Obnoxio the Clown became a Watcher"Edit
Obnoxio the Clown became a Watcher, only watching old T.V. sitcoms.
Appearing in "Daredevil could see"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Daredevil could see"Edit
Daredevil wasn't blind, and was filled with fear at the sight of dangerous criminals.
Appearing in "Thor got a haircut"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Thor got a haircut"Edit
Thor got a haircut, causing his helmet to fall down over his eyes
Appearing in "Spider-Man had married The Black Widow"Edit
Characters:
- Black Widow
- Spider-Man (Death)
Reality:
Synopsis for "Spider-Man had married The Black Widow"Edit
Spider-Man married Black Widow, who ate him.
Appearing in "Iron Man had an Eating disorder"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Iron Man had an Eating disorder"Edit
Tony Stark developed an eating problem instead of a drinking problem, and his extra weight caused his missions as Iron Man to be less than successful, and necessitated his use of a crowbar to get the pants on.
Appearing in "Doctor Doom had a sense of humor"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Doctor Doom had a sense of humor"Edit
Dr. Doom used various comedic props, including a rubber chicken and a fake nose and mustache.
Appearing in "Galactus needed quick cash"Edit
Characters:
- Galactus
- Silver Surfer
- The Pawn Shop Broker
Reality:
Synopsis for "Galactus needed quick cash"Edit
Galactus tried to pawn the Silver Surfer for cash.
Appearing in "Stan Lee reads this issue"Edit
Characters:
Reality:
Synopsis for "Stan Lee reads this issue"Edit
Stan Lee fired those responsible for this issue of What If?.
NotesEdit
- The initial story, "What if The Watcher were a stand-up comedian?" does not have a reality associated with it. However the contributors should still receive credit:
- Pencilers: Ron Wilson (Kirbyesque panels), Rick Parker (wacky Watcher)
- Inkers: Rick Parker (wacky Watcher)
- Letterers: Diana Albers, Rick Parker[4]
TriviaEdit
- No trivia.
See AlsoEdit
- Write your own review of this comic!
- Discuss What If? Vol 1 34 on the forums
- Cover gallery for the What If? series
- Images from What If? Vol 1 34
Recommended ReadingEdit
- None.
Links and ReferencesEdit
- None.
- ↑ Ron Zalme (himself, Barry Shapiro?), Joe Albelo (himself), Rick Parker (himself, Rob Carosella, Nora Maclin, Harry Candelario), John Morelli (himself), Bob Camp (himself), ? (Danny Crespi), Morrie Kuramoto (himself), Eliot R. Brown (himself) Mark Gruenwald (Denny O'Neil, himself), Jim Salicrup (himself), Ron Zalme (Mike Carlin, Danny Fingeroth), ? (Louise Jones), Marie Severin (Ralph Macchio, Linda Grant), Rick Parker (Al Milgrom), Larry Hama (Ann Nocenti), Lance Tooks (himself), Mike Carlin (Tom DeFalcocomics.org
- ↑ Caricature credits added 2005 by Steven Tice, with input from Jim Salicrup, Danny Fingeroth, Mike Carlin, and Rick Parker, Caricature art credits added 2005 by Steven Tice, with input from Jim Salicrup, Danny Fingeroth, Mike Carlin, Al Milgrom, Ron Zalme, and Rick Parker. Al Milgrom is certain he did not do his own caricature.
- ↑ This doesn't make much sense, since this story is based in the Multiverse, and not a specific reality. Nonetheless, the reality number is marvunapp.com's claim.
- ↑ Rick Parker's panel confirmed 2005 by Rick Parker. Ron Wilson credit derived from the letters page of What If? #38. comics.org